I had a hard time preparing this post because I really was at a loss of how to describe the joy of what I experienced. I feel as though yesterday my little girl was born, I feel as though yesterday my little girl came to really know me, and I know her. As she was handed to me for the first time to hold, smell, kiss and cuddle I had to wipe my tears from her little head. It was a moment I had waited so long for but had underestimated the power of.
When you carry a child for 9 months it is taken for granted that at the end of the pregnancy journey you will hold your little one and welcome them to the world. The loving bond that you experience as you hold and nurse your baby is awaited with eager anticipation. I knew when Liviana was born that I would not be able to hold, cuddle and nurse her. I never focused much on the loss of those moments since we were so concerned about her well-being and survival after birth. The next several days were filled with fear, anticipation, anxiousness and happiness at her resulting improvement. I stood by her everyday with her little hand wrapped around my finger talking to her about anything and everything. That was my way of connecting with her and it has been wonderful and special. Yesterday however, I felt all of those emotions normally felt as you hold your baby for the first time immediately after birth, except ten fold. Tears of pure, strong love came pouring out. Our skin to skin contact relaxed her into the calmest state she has ever been in and overwhelmed me with love and joy. They had to come in and turn her oxygen down to 25 because she was hitting 100 on her Sats. We were both immmensly happy.
I was able to hold her because she was switched to the conventional vent yesterday. The transition went well, no bumps. She has continued to wean down on everything. Her morphine is down to 10 and they want to have her weaned almost off of that when they extubate her (hopefully in a couple days). Her pulmonary pressures on her last echo were back up to the 70's. They are doing another echo tomorrow to see if that has improved any. Right now the pulmonary pressures is the only thing that is not looking good so hopefully that will improve as she loses more of the fluid she is retaining.
She was needing to lose weight, as she was up to 8lbs. 13oz. She is now back down to 8lbs. 5oz which is much better. It is odd to think of her needing to lose weight but the weight was from post-surgery and possibly hindering her pulmonary progress.
Her feeds are up to 10cc's an hour and they are moving to 15cc's an hour this evening. She so far is not having any stomach or bowel difficulties.
I am waiting right now to hold her again and I am so, so excited. I have included a picture to share my joy with everyone else.
Check up DAY!
4 weeks ago