Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Letter to Liviana

My sweet girl. You have been on my mind...really, you are always on my mind. I am excited to see you today, even if it is to take you to a couple of appointments. You always light up my day. I laid awake last night smiling as I thought of all the things you used to do. I hate that they have to be thoughts in the past and that I won't ever see those things from you again. The smiles usually turn to tears. We fought for you from the time we found about your CDH when I was pregnant with you. I refused to let you go and it was you who showed what a fighter you were by breezing through your hopsitalization at birth. You really never looked back. You were and are, a spirited, spunky, amazing little girl.

Right now, if you could climb up on the stool in the bathroom and play in the sink...even if you made a mess, I would not stop you. If you could stand behind me in the kitchen while I cooked dinner, too close under foot to be safe, I would not ask you to move. If you wanted to stand behind me on my office chair while I worked, with you arms wrapped around my neck, I would let you squeeze as tightly as you wanted. If you wanted to laugh, play and bounce on the bed while I tried to get you to sleep, I would bounce with you. If you wanted to convince Miles to open the back door so you could go out and play, I would sneak out with you. If you wanted to dress and undress your doll and push her around in the stroller all afternoon, I would play with you. If you wanted to get in the refridgerator and bring out random food items to eat, I would help you make something. If you wanted to sit, and talk to me about anything under the sun, I would gladly listen.

I hate thinking that I miss you when you are still here with us. Still smiling and laughing. I know for everything that I miss so desperately seeing you do, you must miss doing them. You do new things now and still make us smile and laugh. You are a light in our lives...a beautiful girl who was chosen to be here for reasons far beyond what we could comprehend. I will love you forever and a day. I will never stop fighting for you, believing in your strength and praying for miracles. I can't wait to see you today sweet Livi.

Love,
Mommy

14 comments:

Erin Gaeng said...

What a beautiful letter to an equally beautiful little girl.

Anonymous said...

Words straight from the heart. I miss everything about what you mentioned as well. I love you Livy-pooh

Your Daddy

Alzbeta said...

What loved, loved little girl she is.

Anonymous said...

This made me cry! Amy, you are an amazing momma and there is a reason God made you the mother of such a beautiful little girl. We are always praying for miracles for both Liviana and Giovanni. Hope you have a wonderful day with Livi today!

Bobbi said...

what an amazing letter to your beautiful daughter. I have been following your blog for the last couple of months now and am in awe of the strength of your entire family. Know you are in the prayers of so many!

kara said...

precious words

Anonymous said...

simply beautiful. a love letter to your daughter and a reminder to us busy moms to just stop. stop and take time to just...... be. thank you for the reminder . God Bless you and your family. your love for your children glows through in your words.

Michelle said...

as I read this I have a 3 year old that just wants to play. I take my heathly kids for granted and now, I think its time I shut down my computer, and go play with my kids. praying for a miracile for your babies. god bless you and your family in this time!
{M}

Anonymous said...

I am a friend of Michelle's and I started following your site after she shared. I am going through a divorce and have four precious children. I am only going to be able to spend fifty percent of their lives with them due to our parenting arrangement. When I read your blogs, it puts everything in perspective and I realize how lucky I am to have them for that time to love, hug, kiss, cuddle and talk with them. I love how your family is making the best of your time and your strength amazes me. My prayers go out to your family!

Anonymous said...

Amy, your beautiful letter brings tears to my eyes. Still thinking of you guys all the time. --Jill (ICT)

Anonymous said...

Amy,
Especially when things get really bad with Audrey, I feel the same way. You are such an amazing mom. I pray for your whole family whenever I think of you.

Going to cuddle with my babies now.
-Heather L.

Anonymous said...

A beautiful reminder for all of us to treasure everything our children bring to our lives...including the messy and crazy moments. I stumbled onto your site through a friend and i do not even know you, but i think of you often and pray for your family.

Dotty said...

I'm way behind on your blogs, but never stop thinking of you and your beautiful babies. This letter to sweet livi is so touching and so sweet, at the same time its so sad to think if all those things in the past. I pray for you all, all the time, for strength, health, and endurance for this time of trials. We love y'all though we have never met.

Anonymous said...

I'm crying like a baby reading your blog. God bless you all and I'm praying for each one of you.