My sweet girl. You have been on my mind...really, you are always on my mind. I am excited to see you today, even if it is to take you to a couple of appointments. You always light up my day. I laid awake last night smiling as I thought of all the things you used to do. I hate that they have to be thoughts in the past and that I won't ever see those things from you again. The smiles usually turn to tears. We fought for you from the time we found about your CDH when I was pregnant with you. I refused to let you go and it was you who showed what a fighter you were by breezing through your hopsitalization at birth. You really never looked back. You were and are, a spirited, spunky, amazing little girl.
Right now, if you could climb up on the stool in the bathroom and play in the sink...even if you made a mess, I would not stop you. If you could stand behind me in the kitchen while I cooked dinner, too close under foot to be safe, I would not ask you to move. If you wanted to stand behind me on my office chair while I worked, with you arms wrapped around my neck, I would let you squeeze as tightly as you wanted. If you wanted to laugh, play and bounce on the bed while I tried to get you to sleep, I would bounce with you. If you wanted to convince Miles to open the back door so you could go out and play, I would sneak out with you. If you wanted to dress and undress your doll and push her around in the stroller all afternoon, I would play with you. If you wanted to get in the refridgerator and bring out random food items to eat, I would help you make something. If you wanted to sit, and talk to me about anything under the sun, I would gladly listen.
I hate thinking that I miss you when you are still here with us. Still smiling and laughing. I know for everything that I miss so desperately seeing you do, you must miss doing them. You do new things now and still make us smile and laugh. You are a light in our lives...a beautiful girl who was chosen to be here for reasons far beyond what we could comprehend. I will love you forever and a day. I will never stop fighting for you, believing in your strength and praying for miracles. I can't wait to see you today sweet Livi.
"Living with Scars" Project
3 weeks ago